I can’t even begin to describe the incredible ways in which God has grown me, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, you name it, these past two weeks. Well, my whole life, really—but especially these past two weeks. Wow.
So, I’m a crier, naturally. I’m super sensitive; I get upset easily. But these past two weeks, something in me has changed. I’m learning. I’m learning that when certain things happen, when I remember certain painful things, that the world isn’t turning upside down. That I’m okay. That I’ll get through this and all I need to do is look to Jesus, and His peace comes over me. Truly. I’m amazed at the victory that God has given me just in these past two weeks in that regard. That life is so much more relaxed when I don’t fuss over being tired and having so much to do and I don’t know what’s going to happen and this and that and yada yada yada. I’ve learned on a completely different level how powerful God’s Word really is. That it is true. That if I keep my mind stayed on God, He’ll keep me in perfect peace. That certain things are really not as big a deal as I often make them out to be, and that I don’t have to cry over them. I just have to stop, and think, and realize it’s okay. And sometimes even laugh about it. And granted, sometimes things aren’t okay. But God is still good and still in control.
And yet, saying all that, I learned another valuable lesson today. That even though I can get through things without crying (not getting so emotional about things is unfamiliar territory for me), that sometimes, tears are okay. That tears aren’t always a sign that I’m freaking out and not trusting God and throwing myself a pity party. That sometimes it’s okay to truly grieve over a situation and understand and experience the depth of feeling without that turning into bitterness or fear or panic. That even through the tears I can see God’s beauty and mercy and sovereignty and look up and say “Thank You” through the salty blur.
Tears are not always the opposite of trust. And sometimes, just that reminder that I’m human—that I have that ability to feel so strongly and deeply—just makes me feel alive. And that much closer to my Creator, who created me so complexly, in His image.
Thank You, God.